Dependency Isn’t a Bad Word — Here’s Why

We recently met Nishargo at a coworking space. She works in the field of mental health apps and has written an article on a topic that’s of great interest to us at MeetFirst. “Dependence” and how we view it. Mostly negatively? That’s right. It’s a topic worth exploring. Because it plays a major role in how we navigate social spaces and how we form relationships, both in our personal and professional lives.

I'm sure you've heard phrases like the ones below a thousand times already:

“Don’t trust anyone.

You are alone in this world, and you shouldn’t rely on anyone but yourself.

“Others will let you down. Learn to be at peace with yourself. Don’t ask for help unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

Have you ever questioned that idea? I feel that these statements often stem from a place of constant hurt and disappointment.

Photo taken at a MeetFirst event @ Büchercafé Kapitel DREI

“The Dependency Paradox” is a well-established concept. The idea behind it is that you feel truly independent when you have people to rely on. In the book “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love,” researchers Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explained how couples essentially form a single physiological unit rather than being two distinct individuals. Their partners influence their heart rate, hormones, and blood pressure. Even on a biological level, they have a profound effect on one another.

In this modern world, we talk so much about being alone and independent that we tend to forget we are social animals. We view “dependency” as a negative term. We’re supposed to form friend groups, build meaningful connections, and find people to do things with. We need shoulders to cry on, people we can trust and be vulnerable with. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help or longing for connection. No one should feel guilty about craving intimacy or wanting to be loved.

Spend time with people who are emotionally available to you; it’s good for your mental health, growth, and development—people who are spiritually grounded and mature. Your time, energy, and efforts are valuable. Make sure you’re investing them in the right people. You’ll find that being able to rely on trustworthy friends will set you free.

Thank you, Nishargo, for this input!

Follow Nishargo on her blog on Medium.